Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
