you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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