All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
high people should be assigned attendants
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
