If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
