I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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