soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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