i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
