I could make wine with my vomit
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
