Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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