I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
