he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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