if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just found puke in my bra..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
