been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
