she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
