You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
