shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
