I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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