I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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