I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
