I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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