Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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