I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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