she looked like the before picture.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
