i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you win again, gameday.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
