So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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