i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
