NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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