Buhtt sex?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
