The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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