I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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