sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
third nipple confirmed
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
