Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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