the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
