I CAN MOONWALK!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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