Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
