Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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