i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
