I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
