i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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