You made me cry and you don't even care
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
