There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
