I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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