Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
