Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
