The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
