it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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