Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
