Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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