i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize