On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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