so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
