Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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