How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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