The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just had sex on a roof
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
