The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
