she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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