Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
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I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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