i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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